I am tired of facing it every single day.
I am tired of going through it every single day.
I am tired of not being able to say something.
I am tired of being treated like this.
I am tired of being tortured mentally like this.
I am tired of telling myself things will get better.
I am tired of putting a fake smile on my face.
I am tired of thinking what I did to deserve this.
I am tired of being judged by others when all I am doing is more of hiding the truth.
I am tired of hiding the truth.
I am tired of having no one to go to who can really understand and not judge me.
I am tired of saying “I’m alright” or “Nothing is wrong” when something is wrong.
I just don’t know what or how to say it.
I am tired of self comforting myself every time it happens.
I am tired of thinking that something good might come out from it.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep when I just can’t take it anymore.
I am tired of not knowing what to do or say.
I am tired of not telling them when I have health problems so that I won’t be yelled at.
I am tired of fearing what might happen or what might not happen if I do or do not do something.
I am tired of trying to tolerate.
I am tired of coming up with excuses all the time.
I am tired of being judged by others just because I am not allowed to do something.
I am tired of all the yelling, the laughter, the silence and all, alone.
I am tired of disappointing and being disappointed.
I am tired of having this fear in me all the time.
I am tired of thinking what might happen if something different happens.
I am just tired.
I need an escape.
I need space.
I need air.
I just don’t know what I need anymore.
I guess the saying “The person who laughs the most, cried to most inside” is true.
Maybe I’m crazy.
Maybe I’m weird.
Maybe I’m pessimistic.
Maybe I’m experiencing Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
I cannot find anymore strength in me to deal with all this anymore.
I know He is with me all the time.
I know what and what not to think in times like this.
But I just lost the strength in trying to do or think what I should.
It hurts.
Deeply.
Forget it.
It’ll happen again..
It’s just a matter of time and what mistakes I do.
I am tired of going through it every single day.
I am tired of not being able to say something.
I am tired of being treated like this.
I am tired of being tortured mentally like this.
I am tired of telling myself things will get better.
I am tired of putting a fake smile on my face.
I am tired of thinking what I did to deserve this.
I am tired of being judged by others when all I am doing is more of hiding the truth.
I am tired of hiding the truth.
I am tired of having no one to go to who can really understand and not judge me.
I am tired of saying “I’m alright” or “Nothing is wrong” when something is wrong.
I just don’t know what or how to say it.
I am tired of self comforting myself every time it happens.
I am tired of thinking that something good might come out from it.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep when I just can’t take it anymore.
I am tired of not knowing what to do or say.
I am tired of not telling them when I have health problems so that I won’t be yelled at.
I am tired of fearing what might happen or what might not happen if I do or do not do something.
I am tired of trying to tolerate.
I am tired of coming up with excuses all the time.
I am tired of being judged by others just because I am not allowed to do something.
I am tired of all the yelling, the laughter, the silence and all, alone.
I am tired of disappointing and being disappointed.
I am tired of having this fear in me all the time.
I am tired of thinking what might happen if something different happens.
I am just tired.
I need an escape.
I need space.
I need air.
I just don’t know what I need anymore.
I guess the saying “The person who laughs the most, cried to most inside” is true.
Maybe I’m crazy.
Maybe I’m weird.
Maybe I’m pessimistic.
Maybe I’m experiencing Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
I cannot find anymore strength in me to deal with all this anymore.
I know He is with me all the time.
I know what and what not to think in times like this.
But I just lost the strength in trying to do or think what I should.
It hurts.
Deeply.
Forget it.
It’ll happen again..
It’s just a matter of time and what mistakes I do.
3 comments:
melissaaa said...
Dearest Ee Lynn,
Hope u are alright. *hugs*
Ee Lynn said...
=) Thanks..
I will be..
Sharpwave said...
hey, take care of yourself ya
its good to blah it out sometimes..
but always remember,
God loves YOU
and we little angels love u too
YOU'RE NOT ALONE~!!!